The Anchor from Within

The well-being of others often rests on the strength of those who give silently without stepping into the spotlight.

A Glimpse of Angela
Not long ago, I ran into Angela, a young nurse who had provided in-home care for my mom during her final months. I still remember her warmth. She was always upbeat. She gently chatted with Mom as she took her vitals and assessed her well-being. There was an ease about her that softened even the most difficult days.

Over the course of a few weeks, we got to know her better. We learned that after her maternal grandmother passed away the previous year, Angela made the decision to leave her busy city life behind. She moved back to the spacious house where her grandparents had raised her mother and aunt. It’s in a small town about twenty miles from San Francisco.

The reason? She didn’t want her grandfather to be alone. The consequence? Her daily commute now takes over forty minutes each way.

I asked how she was managing her hectic schedule as a traveling nurse while also caring for her granddad. She smiled and said she didn’t mind getting up earlier each morning because she got to spend time with him when she came home from work.

As his anchor, how was she looking after herself? Did she have time to decompress and replenish? Angela said the quality time with her grandfather keeps her grounded — eating dinner together, taking daily walks in the neighborhood, and simply talking. It had been hard to lose her Nana, and hard to see her grandfather decline physically. But she wants to make the most of their time together. As for self-care, she carves out time to run and go to the gym two or three times a week.

There are weeks when she’s running behind on everything, but she just laughs and says, “I roll with it.”

Choosing with Intent
Angela’s choice was rooted in love and clarity. She didn’t frame it as sacrifice. She adjusted her life to be with her grandfather. She knew it would lengthen her commute and complicate her days. Yet she speaks about it with peace, not resentment.

Her story reminds us that being an Unseen Anchor does not always lead to depletion. Sometimes, it becomes a source of steadiness. The same responsibilities that could have felt weighty now give her days shape, meaning, and joy.  

Beyond Family 
Angela’s choice reflects a family setting, but her counterparts also appear in the wider world. In workplaces, a manager keeps teams and projects from collapsing. In communities, a neighbor checks in on elders or a volunteer becomes the reliable go-to person.

They are often invisible, yet their dependability quietly keeps life humming along.

The Shift in Perspective
What all these individuals share is not just responsibility — it’s mindset.

When a decision is seen only as obligation, it carries a depleting energy. But when approached as a conscious choice and a trade-off, it can become meaningful, even enriching.

The Taoists and Stoics remind us that choosing a path doesn’t make it easy. It often adds responsibility — and stress. Yet when walked with inner alignment, it can feel steadier.

If You Carry Others Quietly
Is there something within your anchoring that nourishes you — something you can return to each day?

If not, it can be a walk. A cup of tea. A few moments of stillness. Time with your dog or cat.

Something that is yours. Something to help replenish the support you offer others.

A reminder: your anchor is strongest when it also steadies you.  

Angela’s grandfather is still holding steady. They’ve been slowly decluttering the house and have uncovered all kinds of happy mementos. “My grandparents had enough things to hold weekly garage sales for six months,” she said, laughing.

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