Want to Get Out of Your "I Don't Have Time" Loop? Change Your Narrative!

“I don’t have time” is the most common remark that I hear from friends, family, peers, and those I coach. If you’re stuck with this narrative, here’s a perspective that may help you change it.

For years, this was my narrative. Then one day, I switched to, “I have plenty of time to do what I need and want to do.” Here’s how I made the change.

Though I considered myself adept with time management and setting boundaries, I often found myself thinking, “I don’t have time for XYZ activity” as I raced through each day. (I didn’t know there’s an actual term for this repeated thinking. More on this later.) I felt like I had married my To-Do list to my Time and created mental dandelions, popping up all over my temporal landscape. As soon as I gave attention to one area, more appeared! I was too busy attending to current responsibilities, so I didn’t have time to add anything new to my life. I was stuck in a daily loop.

One day, I had an “Aha” moment. I realized that whenever I say, “I have no time,” I could feel stress spreading throughout my entire body—just from this very thought! Wow! I realized that I was the cause of my anxiety! By the way, this awareness is the result of my Qi Gong practice.

As someone with a positive outlook, I caught myself going the wrong direction because not only was I stressing myself with this thought, I was also feeling overwhelmed and pessimistic about my goals and the big picture.

In addition, I noticed that whenever I say that “I don’t have time for XYZ issues,” my mind automatically dismisses those activities or subjects from my internal landscape. And I reinforce my current behavior of someone who doesn’t have time. Consequently, I block myself from considering healthier narratives and from adding interests that I want to pursue.

After mulling over my “Aha” moment for a while, I decided to change my narrative to, “I have plenty of time to do what I need and want to do.” In order to embrace this new narrative and make it stick, I decided to:

Review my lifelong goals and select the one activity I want to incorporate into my life now instead of keeping it on the “Someday when I have time” list.
Assess how I spend my time and be ruthless about discarding low-return activities to make space for my new activity.
Give myself permission to accept that I cannot do everything now; some things will be postponed for the future. And recognize that there’s always a trade-off. For example: I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my parents in their final years so this meant no more transcontinental crossings for the foreseeable future.
Adopt the perspective that completion is more important than perfection.
Most important, stop stressing myself by thinking and saying, “I don’t have time.” I shall practice reaffirming that, “I do have time for the important people and things in my life, including my Time-for-Me (TFM).”

It took me a while to adopt these new tactics. Lots of starts, stops, and backtracks.

One day, I realized that I had discarded my old narrative because I no longer say to myself or to others that, “I don’t have time.” I feel much better with my new narrative that “I do have time,” which expands my view of potentiality and possibility.

Equally important, I realized that when I gave myself permission to add another activity that inspires and nourishes me—while attending to all the responsibilities that I chose to shoulder—my overall stress diminished. Sometimes, it only takes the one thing to change one’s life, and not necessarily an overhaul.

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I started sharing this narrative-switching strategy and tactics with those I coach.

Consequently, in their Exit feedback, many have singled out changing their narrative as instrumental to resetting their self-care practice. They went from “I don’t have time” to “I have time to look after my health because I owe it to myself to be healthy first.”

I observed in my group coaching that a few individuals had an “Aha!” moment when I spoke about changing their narratives. The next time we met, some reported that they had stepped up and took charge of their health.

Here’s one inspiring example. One individual shared that she went home after our class and announced to her family that from now on, she was going to move dinner time one hour later because she needed to go to the gym each day. Suzanne had anticipated protests from her teenage children and husband. To her surprise, no one made a fuss. And just like that, she got her daily self-care routine back!

I recognized that like Suzanne, some individuals just needed a reminder from someone with fresh eyes, and off they went to reset.

Others struggled to change their narrative, “I don’t have time.” If this resonates with you, here are some additional thoughts that may help you make the switch.

Remember I had mentioned there’s a term for repeatedly thinking that “I don’t have time?” In psychology, some of you may know it as a brainworm. The neuroscientist Oliver Sacks talked about an earworm: hearing a song that keeps running continually through your mind the rest of your day. Like an earworm, a brainworm is a repetitive thought, a mental loop that’s not musical.

According to psychologist Jeffrey Pickens, “Brainworms are common, spontaneous, and cyclical brain processes. Brainworms often operate automatically, below our level of awareness. These repeating thoughts can be positive affirmations or dreaded worry loops.“

“I don’t have time” is a common brainworm for most everyone, in particular, high achievers who zoom along nonstop from morning to night.

Think about it, what we say internally often becomes one of these narratives that dictates our daily actions: what we choose to do and to avoid.

But remember, our current narrative might have been set for a while, but it’s not set in stone. We can change it. It’s simple, but not easy to execute. But then again, it can be executed swiftly. Think of Suzanne who reclaimed time for self-care.

Change your narrative to “I have time” because it’s a positive outlook. It doesn’t evoke stress like the thought, “I don’t have time,” and it doesn’t block you from considering options.

We all have a list of interests that we want to pursue for our well-being. Review your list and select the one thing that you want to do for yourself now to bring you joy and that deep sense of well-being. Then, assess your calendar, discard the low-return tasks, and incorporate that one thing into your routine, which may infinitely enhance your daily life. Exercise your willpower and execute! You may amaze yourself.

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